Code Of Conduct



The following list contains a set of rules of conduct. If any clan member does not abide by this set of rules they shall be banished from The Simian Kingdom for the rest of eternity without trial.


Here is an introduction to the manner and language of the monkeys of the Core of Monkos; We as a clan must be well behaved on all maps, pleasant to each other and players external to our clan. Our mouths should only secrete sweet words of love and affection. No one will give orders or words of authority at any time. There shall be no leader and thusly no decisions made. When participating in deathmatch and/or teamplay, clan members shall tread lightly so as not to put off other participants, also being careful not to corrupt the maps e.g damaging furniture, doors, muddy footprints left indoors etc.

If passing through a doorway and another member of the clan also wants to pass through, always go through the doorway at exactly the same time so as not to be unfair and have one person go first or feel degraded because they didn't get to go first. Clan members shall dress smartly at all times, especially for clan matches or other special occasions. Members will also carry a handkerchief with them at all times, just in case. Any clan member found dribbling with intent will be deprived of their apple seeds for 36 hours and will from then on, be forced to suck on grit to keep their mouths dry.

If at any time, an enemy clan member threatens or abuses a member of the Core of Monkos, the victim monkey shall politely request that the aforementioned threatening participant should pull down his undergarments and bend down. With the enemy player having done this, the clan member shall then proceed to insert his penis into the enemies anus to calm him down and compensate for whatever you may have done to offend him. Once the chore is complete the monkey should resume play and be careful not to let any of the other enemy players become aware of the liaison as they may become jealous and demand they are succumbed to the same quality treatment.



1. Though shalt not KILL an enemy participant without written authorization from Chimpos, the leader, himself.

2. Though shalt not drop any weapon without first offering it to ALL other members of the Core of Monkos and checking that it has no salvageable parts and also checking the serial no. and making a note of it.

3. Though shalt not disagree with anything Chimpos says or does including the act of self-mutilation.

4. Though shalt not leave empty shotgun shells on the floor of any level and shall store them in thy pockets until after the round when thy shalt melt them down and create metal children's toys out of the waste material.

5. Though shalt not wear any form of socks, be it Toasties or boot socks in any variation. Thy shall also not wear shoes except for sandals and/or clogs.

6. Though shalt not inform any 'outsider' (e.g. a non-member of the Core Of Monkos) of any behavioral patterns of fellow monkeys and/or eating habits.

7. Though shalt not be HOMOSEXUAL.

8. Though shalt not commit any act of cruelty to animals - including sexual abuse and/or swearing (including harsh words and threats)

9. Though shalt not steal any fellow monkey's pants or handkerchief.

10. Though shalt not eat anyone but thy owns excrement.